Processed Cheese: February 2011

And now, the inauguration of a new feature here at Sonic Safe House. Be back here on the first Friday of every month for a look back at the previous month's selections from my show's "Slice of Cheese" segment. If a song is significantly cheesy, there's bound to be a video that is equally (if not even more) so. This proved to be true this month.

First we've got Donna Allen wearing a canary-yellow spandex unitard and a belt that kind of looks like it's made out of flattened bullets. What better way to get the attention of your neighbourhood toughs than to leave the safety of your apartment, fling yourself overtly at them and insist on their being "serious" only to spurn them for somebody else after engaging in a choreographed basketball court dance number? Oh, the '80's.

Now, bear witness to former adult star Traci Lords in what appears to be a music video made to promote the forgettable 1995 movie Virtuosity. Never have explosions, leather-clad pornstars, and lasers been so boring and unwatchable. Enjoy.

Meat Loaf and Kelis weigh in with a couple of live videos, bringing to the stage their own brand(s) of eccentricity. Kelis gives a wooden performance of a repetitive song to a mildly enthusiastic Vevo crowd while insisting she is there to "pleasure herself", while Meat Loaf insists (almost sarcastically) that his Rotterdam audience circa 1994 "really fucking sing great" before allowing them to sing along to "Heaven Can Wait". And oh, that ponytail...