Juno Jots

Oh, the annual celebration of Canadian marketing disguised as a music awards show, the Junos. There is nothing negative or positive that I could go at length to say that hasn't already been said. Regardless of any complaints about the actual awards show, the annual Juno fest in the host city is enough to justify this bloated behemoth's continued existence. This year's nominees were peppered throughout with commendable artists, though most of them didn't see the light of the telecast. It's the nature of the beast. Here are my random musings, in short form, from throughout last night's 40th annual Juno Awards.

...First of all, in the age of the internet, why doesn't the show air live? There are a lot of time zones in Canada, but seriously CTV. You decided that airing The Amazing Race at it's regularly scheduled time across the nation was a priority over letting the country experience something like the Juno awards collectively. If you could just Google the outcome before the show was over in your province, it made the show that much more skippable.

...The Drake / Bieber bromance you foisted upon us was just a bunch of synergy. Promotion was the name of the game, with CTV News, the hockey playoffs, Tim Hortons and Degrassi all getting lip service.

...Down with Down With Webster. I didn't realize it took that many band members to suck so hard. All due respect.

...Chilly Gonzalez is great. He absolutely carried that bit, AKA the only time all night that Drake didn't seem COMPLETELY narcissistic. 

...I'm so glad Will Butler kissed Deadmau5's mask cheeks. That was beautiful.

...Shania almost gets ensnared on the walkway of leech-like fake fans, before pronouncing her love of "our bush". This is weird.

...People who don't actually live in Canada don't have a hard time thanking Canada for everything. 

...Robbie Robertson has come out of his cave to present a montage about Toronto. The theme? Toronto is great. OK, I'll give you that it's BIG and that it's size is largely attributable to it's ability to collect talent like lint on velcro. 

...The first good performance comes a full hour into the broadcast (the all-star tribute). Upon this realization, I start wondering if there's something better I could be doing with my evening.

...Even though he was presenting with the always intense Buffy Sainte-Marie, Shad seemed kind of bummed. Somebody should have gotten him some McDonald's cheeseburgers; I hear he loves those.

...Meaghan Smith? Are you f*%#ing kidding me?! All due respect.

...Drake manages to belittle the show he is HOSTING by seeming to go off-script and talking about how awesome Grammys are. 

...Justing Bieber thanks his siblings, although he talks about them like they're house pets. "Cute" and "loveable"? Is your little brother a chocolate lab puppy, Bieber? 

...The first truly emotional moment in a celebration of an emotion-based art form comes 2 hours and 5 minutes into the show. Thank you, Neil Young. Always interesting, and always quotable; "perfume on a dirty body", indeed.

...Neil Young exlcaims "what year is this?" after receiving Artist of the Year. I'm really not sure, man. The award was even presented by Randy Bachman. In terms of the Junos being kind of out of touch, I'm sure we ain't seen nothin' yet.

...I just realized that the highlight for me was the montages sprinkled throughout as transitions from the commercial breaks. Not the show, the montage bumpers. 

...Said the Whale are lurking behind Drake as he introduces Chromeo (by extolling the virtues of Air Canada Centre's bartenders). Nice to see you, guys.

...Well, that's a piece of my life that I could've used more productively. Oh well, at least I didn't watch the e-Talk red carpet show, so I still have the will to live.